


Wanna Have A Baby?

by Sutured_Sentiment



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Peter Parker is an Avenger, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Peter, Protective Wade, Responsible Wade, Slow Build, So Is Peter, Spideypool - Freeform, Wade is a Good Mom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-09 10:39:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7798558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sutured_Sentiment/pseuds/Sutured_Sentiment
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade went in thinking it was going to be an easy job. Kill the bad guys and get paid. Piece of cake. And maybe if he was lucky, he could convince a certain spandex-clad spider to go out to lunch with his. But Wade is never that lucky, and when the job goes wrong and he finds himself caught in the middle of a sinister plot to take down the world's superheroes, he turns to the first person he can think of. But what does a baby have to do with any of it?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter is an Avenger. Avengers are supposed to save the world and maybe bash some alien heads along the way. They weren't exactly father material. So when Peter opened his door to a certain blood-covered mercenary, he wasn't expecting to have to help him take care of a baby.  Peter has absolutely no experience with babies... but it can't be that hard... right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Too bad neither of them accounted for the angry force coming after them with a vengeance to reclaim what's theirs...</p>
<p>(Sorry, I'm bad at summaries)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

_Knock knock knock!_

Peter groaned as he rolled over in bed, blinking blearily at the alarm clock on his nightstand. The red digital numbers read 1:05 a.m. He glared at the offending numbers. It was barely even morning. Who the hell was even up at this ungodly hour? He shoved his face into his pillow. Maybe if he ignored them long enough, they'd go away. He sighed into the soft plush of his pillow, his eyes feeling heavy.

_Knock knock knock!!_

Peter should have known he wouldn't be that lucky. He grit his teeth angrily as he slowly sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. The floor was cold beneath his feet as he stood up, stretching tiredly. He thought of grabbing a shirt, but then quickly discarded idea. There was no way he was staying up. After he kindly sent away the annoyance at his door, he would go back to bed for the remaining hours he had before he'd have to go to the hell he called work. He yawned widely as he made his way from his bedroom.

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!_

He sighed irritably, muttering a few choice words under his breath as he shouted a quick "Coming!" at the door. He whipped the door open, prepared to yell at whoever decided it'd be fun to wake him up, but froze at the sight that greeted him. He'd recognize that red suit anywhere, even as covered in blood and grime as it was now. Deadpool stood hunched over, holding something small and bundled close to his heaving chest. The bottom half of his mask was torn to shreds, revealing the scarred skin of his mouth and chin beneath. His lips were pulled up into a painful grin as he looked up at Peter through the white eyes of what remained of his mask. He bled heavily from his chest and stomach, and just about everywhere else, and a dark bruise was blooming across his lower cheek. Peter stood dumbly, his eyes surveying the beaten mercenary at his door. He was speechless.

"Are y-you going to... I-invite me in?" Finally the weak words seemed to kick start his brain as he leapt into action. He rushed forward, wrapping his arms awkwardly around the bigger man as he tried to help him inside.

"God, Wade. What the heck happened to you?" Wade laughed, though it sounded more like a choked off groan. Peter winced in sympathy as he lead him over to the couch and helped him sit down. Wade sunk heavily into the cushions, sighing at the little relief it brought. Peter noticed that he still continued clutching the object against his chest, almost protectively.

"Nothing that won't heal in a little while. Nice place you've got here," he mumbled. Peter rolled his eyes as he straightened back up and headed for the bathroom for some medical supplies.

"Hmm, nice ass too," he heard Wade mumble appreciatively behind him. He felt heat rise slowly to his cheeks, but ignored it as he fumbled for the first aid kit behind the bathroom door. He returned quickly and set about wrapping and treating some of the other man's wounds. Wade shook his head in exasperation.

"You know I don't need that. I'll be healed good as new in a few minutes," he protested. Peter glared at him half-heartedly.

"I'd rather not have you bleeding all over my couch, thank you very much," he retorted.

"Oh." They sat in an awkward silence as Peter unrolled some bandaging to wrap around Wade's heavily bleeding arms. He froze when the thing he was holding began to move and make noises. He closed his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Wade, what the hell kind of mess did you just bring into my house," he demanded as the wriggling form began to cry. Wade shifted uncomfortably and Peter was able to see fully what was cradled in the mercenary's lap.

"Petey, I'd like you to meet someone. His name's Petey Junior," Wade said, his cracked lips turning up in a wide grin. Peter slapped his palm over his face.

"And _what_ is he doing here?" He could slowly feel his stress levels rising. Wade sighed dramatically.

"He's yours," he whispered. Peter's eyes widened as he whipped his head up. His heart thundered in his chest.

"P-pardon?" Wade laughed, and already it sounded less painful then it had a couple minutes ago. He planted a little kiss on the whining baby's forehead.

"I'm just joking around with you." Peter glared dangerously at him.

"Asshole." Wade cackled loudly, startling the child in his arms even more. The infant cried louder. Peter groaned. He already knew this was going to be an _extremely_ long day, and there was no way he was going to be getting back to sleep. He rubbed at his face tiredly before reaching out and wrapping his arms gently around the baby. Wade watched him with carefully guarded eyes as he allowed Peter to take him. He watched as Peter gently bounced up and down rhythmically, whispering hushed words to the child. After a few minutes, Petey Jr. fell silent. Peter sighed in relief as he grabbed a few pillows and arranged them on the couch in a sort of makeshift baby bed. He rested him gently on the couch cushions before turning back to Wade. He was met with a madly grinning Wade.

"What," he demanded, defensively crossing his arms over his chest.

"And to think, I never thought I could love you more. You're such a cute little mom," he said in an irritatingly high-pitched voice. Peter scowled, before turning his attention back to the bandages. He looked back at Wade. His wounds didn't seem so bad anymore, so maybe he didn't need the first aid kit after all. The man's chest had stopped bleeding and he could already see Wade's skin healing itself through the holes of his ruined suit. He nodded mostly to himself as he packed the medical supplies away again, setting them carefully aside.

"I'll get you some clothes to wear," he said resignedly as he stood up again and walked into the bedroom. He glanced at the bed longingly before turning to his dresser in search of some clothes that might be big enough for Wade to fit into. Finally, he came back out with a hoodie that was way oversized for him and sweatpants. He handed them to Wade and pointed him towards the bathroom, instructing him to just leave his bloody tattered suit in the tub for now. When Wade shut the door to the bathroom, Peter turned back to the baby sleeping soundly on his couch. He had to admit, he was a cute little guy. He was all chubby cheeks and a pouting mouth that made him absolutely adorable. His tiny hands were curled into fists about his smooth little head and he was breathing steadily, twitching in his sleep every once in a while. He was wearing a simple blue onesie, and it was spattered with blood. Probably Wade's. As Peter watched him sleep, he only seemed to be getting more and more questions running through his head. He was confused about the whole situation, and for the first time in his life, a part of him was actually looking forward to work; if only because it would get his mind off of all this.

"You, sir, are a very small person." Peter looked up as Wade walked into the living room, a stack of weapons in his arms. He set them on the floor in a pile by the couch with a loud clatter. Peter shot a glare at him. He looked Wade over up and down. The sweater that was _way_ too big on himself was just about right for Wade, and his high school logo stretched comfortably over the man's wide chest. The sweatpants, however, were a different story. They came down to about his mid-calves and were stretched tight over his muscles, leaving no wiggle room. He sighed.

"They'll work for now. You can get some better clothes from the store or something when you leave, can't you?" Wade placed a hand to his chin as he looked thoughtfully.

"Hmm...I think I should stay here. With you and the baby. Just for a little while." Peter stared at him incredulously.

"Um, no. No way. Take your baby and go," he said firmly. No way was he going to let this psychopath live with him. And no way was he going to deal with something that cries all day. He was not cut out for that. Besides. he had work and his superhero gig to juggle on a daily basis already.

"But I don't know how to take care of a kid! And the guys I took him from will be coming around to my place wanting him back. He's safer here," Wade whined desperately.

"Hold on! Back it up. You took him?! Alright. Explain. Now." Wade froze.

"Uh oh. We're in trouble aren't we," he muttered to himself. He glanced up at Peter's furious face and nodded to himself. Yup, big trouble.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post this sooner. All my work got deleted, so I had to try and rewrite it all again. Hope you like it!

Wade shifted uncomfortably under Peter's intense gaze, trying unsuccessfully to figure out what was going through the other's head right now. He sat down heavily on the couch with a sigh. There was a good chance after his confession he'd be needing something to pry webs from very not fun places.

"Alright. Let's see... where to start, where to start," he muttered as he cupped his chin in a scarred hand. He glanced over to see Peter getting steadily more impatient looking, and decided it would be in his best interest not to tick off the webbed wonder and stop trying to stall.

"I was recently hired for a job. I was paid a pretty penny up front and promised more once I finished the job. And man, those zeroes..." he whistled, holding up a thumb. Peter rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh.

"Totally worth it. Anyway, all they told me was a certain group of people had gotten their hands on something _big_. I went in to fetch a supposed weapon they had somehow acquired." Peter raised an eyebrow, looking deep in thought.

"What kind of weapon?" Wade shrugged.

"Don't know exactly. All I know is it would bring about some pretty bad shit. Like end of all heroes shit. It apparently has the potential to wipe out all the big supers," he chirped. Peter's eyes widened as he ran a hand through his already unruly hair.

"Oh, this is bad. This is very, very _bad._ I have to tell... _someone."_ He stood up quickly, but before he could go anywhere, a strong grip tightened around his wrist, keeping him in place. He glared down at the offending hand while Wade pouted.

"I'm not done with my story yet," he whined as he gave a mighty tug, forcing Peter to sit back down. He cleared his throat.

"Now, as I was saying, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, I was sent to get this weapon from them. I had intel that they were meeting someone to make a trade. Naturally, being the hero I am, I swooped in to stopped them. But before I could even get close to them, they were pumping me so full of lead I'll probably be peeing blood for a whole week!" Peter cringed, sending a glare at the other man.

"I really did not need to know that." Wade ignored him as he finished his story.

"They had some major artillery. My body was barely having any time to heal before being filled with more holes. I'm ashamed to say I thought I was going to be unable to finish the job. But then, the weirdest thing happened. The package the main guy was carrying, the thing I thought was the weapon, began glowing and the whole place just kinda blew up." He made a motion with his hands, imitating the booming sound. Peter shook his head at his childish antics. His story still left a question though.

"None of that explains why you suddenly have a baby. And where's the weapon now?" There was a pause as Wade thought about how best to tread.

"Well, I mean technically speaking, the baby _is_ the weapon." Another heavy silence fell over the room. Peter looked over at the bundled, sleeping child next to them, eyes wide with disbelief. There was no way. This was a _child_. That kid probably wasn't even a year old yet. He rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on. This was all just too... unreal.

"Okay," he said slowly as he looked back at Wade.

"So what do we do now," he wondered aloud. For the first time, Peter was at a complete loss. They had to protect the kid from whatever crap came stirring after them. At least, until later, when they could take him to the Avengers Tower and see what could be done about the whole situation. He just wanted to be done and over with all of it. Babysitter had never been in the job description, and he was sure the fellow heroes would be much better equipped to handle a child than him and the mercenary beside him.

"We'll figure this all out later. I'm going back to bed. You can take the couch if you want," he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. He looked at the baby still sleeping soundly on the couch and thought for a moment. He really really wanted to go back to sleep, but could he really leave a baby with the psychopathic killer? Of course not. He sighed as he went to reach for the child. Wade stopped him.

"Don't worry about him. I can watch him. Besides, you look like you could use some sleep, especially after me practically crashing in here with all this," Wade said with an uncharacteristic softness to his voice. Peter hesitated, before finally nodding, throwing a grateful look over his shoulder as he made his way to the bedroom. He plopped down heavily on the springy mattress with a content sigh. Within moments he had drifted off into a light sleep...

Only to be woken up by loud crying. He groaned as he burrowed deeper into his pillow, hoping it would stop soon.

"Peter! Peter, I need your help! I don't know how to turn it off," Wade shouted frantically from the living room. Peter sighed as he rolled out of bed. Guess he was up for the day.


End file.
